Kim in North Korea Instructs Underlings on Proper Use of Stadium Seats

 

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Organized religions and sports are similar. They both adhere to dogma like the hounds of hell. Every problem in society, the economy, and our crumbling infrastructure could be solved if people gave up sports for just one year to work on them. Not going to happen. Not any more likely than our two party system will produce efficient, sustainable prosperity for the ignorant and powerless (whose spare time is spent polishing their AR-15s while watching cage fighters with Jesus tattoos.) What chance do these people have? After all, going to a stadium is like going to a cathedral. Their IDOLS get multi-million dollar contracts to push diabetes water on fat kids. They're told they are nobodies if they don't wear neon tennis shoes with the proper (Nike) label...partly made by children in sweatshops in China.  

You really need to leave your brain behind to take Fox Sports seriously. (Unless you're Neil Cavuto or a concussion victim.) Why is it that sportscasters, being so razor focused on scores, find math and science silly if it's not related to scoring symbolic beheadings against the opposing playpen? And isn't this why we're ranked 37th in math and science versus the rest of the world? Just asking. Now listen to something funny that's the perfect gift for anyone wrestling to overcome sports addiction long enough to take out their empty beer cans and pizza boxes. Go to Audible and search for THIS.

This book is written by Jonathan Lowe. You thought Walter Witty was a real name? It's subtitled "Diary of a Sports Atheist," and that's exactly the perspective you get. Narrator Barry Abrams deftly controls the tone of his delivery. Like a deft race-car driver, he knows when to turn on the sarcasm, when to back off. Or like a coach demanding more from his team, he can ratchet up the emotions that this ranting book demands. The book's premise is that sports obsessions have formed a black hole of meaningless reverence in our culture. Self-aware fans might chuckle, but nonbelievers who have no time for sports will nod like bobbleheads. The book reads like the styles of Rick Reilly, Keith Olbermann, and Dave Barry have all been merged. It's entertaining at this length; any more would be too much. M.B. © AudioFile 2015, Portland, Maine