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THE UMPIRE HAS NO CLOTHES is due any day on audio, and exists updated as 2022 ebook.
Please share, and comment. Walter Witty is Mitty is me. Enjoy! The Facebook Group for Walter is "The Sports Atheist." Humor and satire on all sports from the NFL Die-esies to the Golf and NBA religions.
EXTRA EX-TRA!
Does Joel Osteen have anything new to say on New Year's Day? Not really. The first rule of business is that if you have a good thing going, don't mess with success. And if you have a secret formula, zip the lip. Coke learned this lesson, and have so far prevented hackers (and consumers) from discovering the truth about their internal operations by doubling down on advertising promoting love and happiness. Just like Joel. But let us examine this more closely (since no one else will, while neither Rev. Coke---nor Coca-Cola itself---would dare respond to this post for fear of my posting their response and thereby gaining national attention by it...just as they ignored the books The Coke Machine and Citizen Coke.)
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The most popular sermons are short and repetitive, sprinkled with sugary anecdotes. Kinda like Joel's. You never want to say anything controversial which might limit your reach. Simple universal messages which sound inspirational and soothing can be amplified by including (and repeating endlessly) the idea that other people somewhere outside your giant stadium/church are somehow trying to prevent you from achieving your "goals," the implication being that they are aligned with Satan or evil or endless bad hair days. So too the temptation to go to another church or team is an implied sin. You should never actually say anything meaningful beyond "You can do it, " (or in the case of Nike: "Just do it.") In this way, by sticking to message ("You can be successful like me,") you will gain millions of loyal lemmings (fans), who (amazingly) will never stop to imagine what would happen if they tried to compete with Joel by buying a sports stadium and giving their own Sermon on the Mound. [Note: again, Sermon is not plural here since the message is always the same for Joel or Roger Goodell or your fav Congressman: WIN AT ALL COST. And so the result would be as it is with all competitive sports, (religion being the most bloody): banishment from the club or league or church roster.] By appealing to the primitive brainstem, your repetitive REPtilian brain booster sermon (like high fructose corn syrup) will activate the groupthink mob mentality of your fans, and exclude all rational individual thoughts, resulting in an ego "message massage" that will have them gleefully lining up to buy all your new books and sermons, filled with the testimonies (endorsements) of those whose stories are told inside (as reinforcement.) Looking around the huge sports facility, with the giant golden globe representing the biggest church conquering the Nationals and moving into the playoffs for world domination, every one of your thousands of accolytes will then be in awe of your gifts at rhetoric (not to mention your coaching skills!) To sum up, what is the simple sermon (ie. simple sugar/syrup) one must ladle (or ladel) over one's audience to achieve success? "Those who think outside the box or bun should be penalty shunned." (This is also BeelzeBob's motto in both the NFL and NBA Dioceses.)
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The most popular sermons are short and repetitive, sprinkled with sugary anecdotes. Kinda like Joel's. You never want to say anything controversial which might limit your reach. Simple universal messages which sound inspirational and soothing can be amplified by including (and repeating endlessly) the idea that other people somewhere outside your giant stadium/church are somehow trying to prevent you from achieving your "goals," the implication being that they are aligned with Satan or evil or endless bad hair days. So too the temptation to go to another church or team is an implied sin. You should never actually say anything meaningful beyond "You can do it, " (or in the case of Nike: "Just do it.") In this way, by sticking to message ("You can be successful like me,") you will gain millions of loyal lemmings (fans), who (amazingly) will never stop to imagine what would happen if they tried to compete with Joel by buying a sports stadium and giving their own Sermon on the Mound. [Note: again, Sermon is not plural here since the message is always the same for Joel or Roger Goodell or your fav Congressman: WIN AT ALL COST. And so the result would be as it is with all competitive sports, (religion being the most bloody): banishment from the club or league or church roster.] By appealing to the primitive brainstem, your repetitive REPtilian brain booster sermon (like high fructose corn syrup) will activate the groupthink mob mentality of your fans, and exclude all rational individual thoughts, resulting in an ego "message massage" that will have them gleefully lining up to buy all your new books and sermons, filled with the testimonies (endorsements) of those whose stories are told inside (as reinforcement.) Looking around the huge sports facility, with the giant golden globe representing the biggest church conquering the Nationals and moving into the playoffs for world domination, every one of your thousands of accolytes will then be in awe of your gifts at rhetoric (not to mention your coaching skills!) To sum up, what is the simple sermon (ie. simple sugar/syrup) one must ladle (or ladel) over one's audience to achieve success? "Those who think outside the box or bun should be penalty shunned." (This is also BeelzeBob's motto in both the NFL and NBA Dioceses.)
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